Ouch! Ouch! Ow!

Crawling on bare knees over sharp, hot caliche rocks.

That's what progress feels like at times. Ouch, ow!

The job of a leader is to study then propose an idea, fly it up the flagpole, and look poker faced when  people send arrows ripping through the fabric of the flag of your inspiration.  Ouch, ow!

Yesterday was my day for crawling and looking poker faced, both not easy to do, least of all at the same time. 

At the college where I teach, I am advocating a plan for maintaining a film and video competition we have hosted for 13 years and which may end this semester for lack of institutional support. 

At KLRN where I've worked on and off since 1988,  I am establishing my role on a team of creative people producing ARTS, the weekly series we began October 4.  

http://video.klrn.org/program/klrn-arts/ 

There are days when you need to remember that doing your part is the only part you have any control over. Telling your story, selling its worth and recruiting support can follow, but there are other variables, such as budgets, priorities and even the possibility you are off course in your proposal. 

Yesterday's long string of meetings starring me as pitcher also showed me there are other answers in addition to "yes, I love your idea and will support it" or "no, your proposal stinks." This is where the sharp, hot caliche comes in: There is pain and discomfort in being out of your comfort zone and having discourse with someone else while really listening and hearing another view. 

The surprising part is that new, better ideas emerged--coming each time from other persons-- from those uncomfortable conversations. Instead of focusing on the progress made, I tend to focus on the crawling and the hot, sharp caliche biting into my bare knees. But that's part of the puzzle of what makes up progress.

At the end of the day, back home,  I had a relaxing supper with some neighbors, then fell hard asleep. I awoke sometime in the night with a tape of instant re-plays flashing before my mind's eye: my department chair, my colleagues, my co-producer, and my executive producer, the conversations, the give and takes, the slow moving forward of ideas.   Ouch, ow is all I remembered at first, until I reminded myself that yes, I had moved each idea forward, which is what I ask of myself and am proud to say was accomplished.