Batteries Not Included

"Batteries Not Included" is the annoying tag line for battery operated toys advertised on TV. Don't expect batteries to be included with the purchase of your toy. Without batteries, the toy won't work. 

I wonder if modifying the phrase can help us improve our communication. "Attention Not Included" may be a way to rethink how we use technology and how we communicate.  Without directing our attention, communication doesn't work, either. 

About ten years ago, I first noticed the radical change in student behavior in the hallways of my college when smart phones were first adopted.

For decades, college hallways were noisy. While waiting for instructors to unlock classrooms, hallways were filled with students walking by, chatting, standing, sharing notes, making friends and flirting. When smartphones and social media joined the mix, the silence in the usually buzzing hallways was surprising. Instead of interacting, students stood alone, staring at screens in silence. It was spooky. Even spookier is wondering how many lost friendships or romances resulted, or how many drops in grade point averages from notes not shared and study groups not formed? 

Inside the classroom, I noticed the number of engaged, attentive faces drop. To the screens in their hands where TikTok or some other shiny and bright site competed with my students’ flash-resistant teacher for their attention. 

Over the years I noticed more and more students divide their attention between their smartphones and engagement with class materials or the faces of their fellow students in assigned group activities. As a teacher, I had less to work with, and unbeknownst to them, so did the students. 

I missed walking to class in hallways filled with the excitement of the semester's seasons. The shiny beginnings, the friendships formed, the obstacles with schedules, challenging material, work and family overcome. 

When they brought their whole selves to the work at hand, it was not uncommon to see students visibly mature in the space of a semester.  Some students traveled light years across sixteen weeks, cultivating curiosity, the ability to weather difficulties, conflict and sometimes failure with resilience and an appreciation for learning. When they brought their smart phone tethered to them, there was less of them present.

Technology isn't a good or bad thing. It is only a thing, a tool. What we do with it is what matters. I saw many, me included, adopt smartphones without examining the impact on learning or relationships. The importance of communication that is directed and careful was recently brought home to me by reading a book co-written by the guru of gab, Oprah Winfrey.

Check out this excerpt from the book, What Happened To You?

All of us have had the experience of having a conversation with somebody and feeling dismissed when they disengage to look at their phone. And even though we’re adults and we have developed brains and we understand how the world works, it still feels disrespectful.. It’s bad enough to get that message from someone when you are an adult, just imagine if this is a constant message the baby gets when they are creating their “worldview”: I’m not important. The infant’s capability to be empathic and nurturing—their capacity to love—depends upon the nature, quality, and number of loving interactions they experience early in life. A dismissive, disengaged interaction is not building the foundation for a loving person.  

— What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing by Oprah Winfrey, Bruce D. Perry
https://a.co/6a4xQQB

Interested in changing your unexamined media use? Start by examining your own media habits.Try this. 

Informally test how the presence of technology (such as a smart phone) affects the quality of your conversation with a loved one or work mate. Choose someone whose communication with you could use some recharging of batteries.

Whether they have a smartphone beside them or not, purposefully leave your smartphone in another room. Begin and finish a conversation or activity and then, make note of the engagement levels you perceived in your interactions, both yours and their's. Did you both feel respected and acknowledged? 

After several tries with this experiment with different people in your life, ask yourself if you liked the results. If so, move forward with gentle, respectful curiosity for ways to improve your family and work life. Obstacles and challenges that you identify can, over time, be overcome to improve communication. 

Technology has many up-sides, but its downsides must also be considered. Whether in the college classroom, the conference meeting room or at the family breakfast or dinner table, technology (smart phone in use or even within sight) may hurt communication as easily as it may help. 

It's important to remember, in all things media related, we are the product, not the other way around.  It's the job of media to capture and sell our attention. Algorithms and teams of engineers work 24/7 to improve their odds of reaching and reselling our attention. 

Fortunately, the hack for taking back our time and attention or simply tweaking how we direct our attention is easy, free and available at any time to everyone: Build awareness of how technology affects you and others. Sometimes technology is just what we need, other times, it's exactly what we don't need. Learning when, how and why is worth examining, and offers great promise.

Sign up for my twice-monthly newsletter on technology and communication.