Communication is what makes us human: More tips for thinking, writing and speaking in a world of quicksand communications

56. Don’t believe everything you think.	Keep an open mind. Part of the wonder of this world is knowing that you only know a narrow sliver of all there is to know. Keep it humble, and you increase your chances of learning something new to add to the sliver. From a lifetime of journalism and teaching, I learned first impressions are not to be trusted.
57. Social media rule #1.	We show our best side and conceal our flaws. Don’t envy someone else’s images or writings about their life. They represent only a fraction of the whole.
58. Social media rule #2.	Since you are now your own publisher and editor, by all means, tell your story. This is the first time in human history that mass media has become “me’ media, open to all. Storycorps and The Moth are two examples of sites on the Internet that you can record your stories and share them with the world and future generations.
59. Social media rule #3.	Our attention is ever decreasing. The sooner we start with why, the better our chances of having our posts read to the end.  Alcoholics Anonymous recommends the acronym, KISS, keep it simple, stupid. This get-to-the-point-advice applies to posts on your favorite social media sites.
60. Social media rule #4.	Keep a healthy balance of information in your social media diet. You want to be sure you are laughing at least the same amount of time as you spend gnashing your teeth about global warming, the economy or politicians we love to hate.

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Communication is what makes us human: More tips for thinking, writing and speaking in a world of quicksand communications

51. Time to talk or to think.	Knowing the inner workings of your internal clock, schedule important “talking and thinking times.”  Reserve your important work for the time of the day or night when you feel most alert and attentive. It isn’t always possible, but knowing your inner best times will alert you to prepare yourself to be at your best with an extra nap, walk around the block or cup of coffee before an early or late class.
52. Buenos dias, buenas tardes and buenas noches.	Don’t you enjoy a gentle reminder that you are recognized just for being you? In any language you prefer, greet the people you encounter with a wish for a good morning, evening or night. The pleasant words don’t cost a cent, but they may be the first nice words a person’s heard in hours.
53. Say goodbye, connect and give thanks.	We may never pass this way again. Your presence is your present, but the gift wrap is in the smiles during your arrivals and departures. In a party or any business meeting it’s nearly always better to connect with as many people as you are able with a short hello, a handshake and a brief exchange. Likewise for endings. Be the person who makes eye contact, shakes hands to say goodbye.
54. Take the leap. Ask the big questions along with the small.	Meeting someone new is a great opportunity to chat about family, work and also about what you don’t know. Ask “what is lighting up your brain these days?” In my experience, people’s eyes light up and they are thrilled to talk about their passions and interests.
55. What can you learn about communication from a child?	We all need to be heard. Trust is established by the inch and destroyed in the blink of an eye. Listening and letting the other person speak at their own rate or pace, without interruption, starts the journey of an encounter of  few brief moments, or a long friendship.

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Communication is what makes us human: More tips for thinking, writing and speaking in a world of quicksand communications

41. Photos speak louder than words.	A photo can stir emotions quickly. Framing an image carefully helps you to connect with your audience. Looking at your viewfinder or screen, make it a habit to divide your image into three vertical rows. Place your focal point to the left or right of the center row to create greater interest in the eye of the viewer.
42. The magical properties of light.	What colors are there in a room that is so dark you cannot see an inch in front of you? None. Color exists only with the presence of light. Experiment with degrees of light and shadow to see how many moods you can create in a photo.
43. Horizontal is preferred.	For phone viewing of images you shoot, horizontal or square are preferred over vertical orientation. Maybe the horizontal view more closely mimics the way we see using our eyes.
44. More is better.	Take time to prepare a shot whenever possible, frame your subject using the principle of thirds, study how best to use the light available and take more shots than you need to. There are surprises that delight among the extras.
45. Smartphones make you smarter!	Dictate into Notes or voice recording apps your lists, ideas, questions, even conversations with others. We need to “offload” the minutia of our daily lives onto assisting tech whenever we can. Our own gray matter needs space to be creative and to hear the doorbell when inspiration stops in for a visit.
46. Journal to manage and direct your mind.	It’s an exciting world, with distractions and possibilities that boggle the mind. Julia Cameron’s The Artist's Way offers many strategies to help coax your creativity in positive directions. Journaling for no one’s eyes is one trick that helps to take the trash out and clear out mental real estate for what you really want your brain to work on. On a computer or using a pen and paper, write what’s on the surface of your thoughts. Any complaints, regrets or struggles can find their way to the printed page and thus leave more space for the less noisy but usually more important. When you are finished with a page or two, hit “delete” or crumple your pages into the trash. You’ll feel the difference in your thinking after a few days of this practice.
47. Communicate kindness.	What does a kilo of kindness cost? I have no idea, but I know what it pays. We learn and live better when we are relaxed and accepted. Kindness is a tool as important as fire or technology to moving ourselves forward with awareness, from literally learning to walk with baby steps to analytical decisions.
48. Bark for you boundaries.	Puppies push each other in play to learn their place in the pack. In a conversation with another or in a group, notice when a boundary has been reached. It’s a fleeting feeling that someone’s entered uninvited and that someone may be you. Pause the conversation to redirect with firm kindness. You own your privacy and are in your right to say to someone, “Step back, I’m uncomfortable with this line of talking at this time.” No further explanation is required. Move on. We are puppies of a large, hairless variety.
49. Who elected you God?	I love to teach using cooperative or collaborative methods because students are forced into facing each other and interactions where they learn instead of zoning out into a screen. They rotate leadership roles and inevitably there is a person who feels their leadership is more important than that of others. It’s a chance for someone to learn to step up and say, “Wait. It’s my turn,” or to shrink back and let the natural leader take over. These interactions are as important as the content in a class. It’s how we learn leadership.
50. You are what you listen to.	I remember I learned a friend had died and I was so sad, all I could think to do was lower the top on the convertible I had and drive on the open highway listening to the Rolling Stones. It only helped a little, but I was grateful for the wind and the sounds that drowned out my sorrow even for a minute. Your diet of media feeds your moods and beliefs. Comedy may be what you need more than a police procedural. Metal or Mendelssohn might be what helps your brain feel centered. Learn to select to address your current feelings. Think as carefully about what you want to serve the needs of your spirit and soul as you do your physical body.

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Communication is what makes us human: More tips for thinking, writing and speaking in a world of quicksand communications

31. Look ‘em in the eye.	It may be hard to do 100% of the time and maybe not always is this advisable, but being conscious of where your gaze is can be of tremendous importance. Unconsciously, we may avoid looking at another person.  Our vision may drift to the ceiling, the floor, or to our desk or our laps. Sometimes we nearly close our lids to remember or “reach back in memory.” All these are lost chances to connect and collect information and feedback you can use instead of overlook.
32. Stand tall like a tree.	There is more to standing than meets the eye. Meeting someone or doing a presentation, we have about 2 seconds to make our first impression. Let’s make that one first impression ‘true’. Gina Cook explains the origin of the word ‘true’.
33. Sitting on the edge or how to not be a sack of potatoes.	It's easy to sit back and relax in a comfy chair or sofa, and it is perfectly fine in most informal contexts! When the setting is an interview or a meeting, keep from appearing like you're settled in at home with a bag of popcorn by sitting on the very edge of your seat. It's an old interviewing for TV trick that keeps your back straight and you looking alert, awake and at the top of your game, not at the end of your day.
34. Vocal range and volume.	Have you checked in with your diaphragm lately? Speaking before an audience begins with your gut. The reasons for this are both for courage and strength. Take a deep breath into the area below your lungs and feel your diaphragm expand. Next, breathe out and slowly push the air out from your lips. Use your diaphragm and its strong muscles to power your voice instead of your spindly voice box. You can sing the entire score to "Tommy" or "La Traviata" by using the power of your tummy, not your vocal chords alone.
35. Listen and learn.	Use your smartphone recorder to record yourself reciting a favorite passage from a poem or novel. Try it normal speed, then repeat in fast mode and then slow mode. Listen back and try to not criticize but notice which words were "lost" or "swallowed" in your poem or passage. What else did you notice? Try doing a recording with an intentional smile. Listen back and see what differences you noticed in your recording. If you were a complete stranger, what would your impressions be?
36. You're only speaking to one of us at a time anyway.	When I was a young radio announcer, George Cooper, the radio legend, was program director at our station. He took me aside and gave me some advice about reading the news. He complimented me on my writing and voice, then he asked me to try something new. It changed my life. He asked me to try my next newscast by keeping the idea of someone I know and like a lot, such as a beloved nephew or niece in my mind's eye while I read the news on the air live. The idea of telling the news to one person, who I cared for, instead of an amorphous many who I didn't know, transformed my announcing. My newscast took on another tone, something warm and packed with meaning. I have made a lot of money voicing commercials and videos by using this one-to-one approach.
37. Performance anxiety and why you want at least some of it.	Whether you are in the NFL or a poet at a small venue about to step up to the microphone, the butterflies in your tummy are a signal that is healthy and normal. Your heightened, tense and even anxious feelings are preparing you to bring your all to the job ahead. Breathe deep to relax just before you step out in front of the crowd.  When you begin you'll be at your best, from the soles of your feet to the top of your head.
38. Bring the whole family along.  39. Tell your story. 40. You don't have to agree with everyone's ideas, but it is always good to know where they come from.	If there is an important meeting or presentation you are preparing for, don't forget to bring along the family tree, and even those whose names are forgotten. There are generations of hard working, survivor-types in our DNA. They didn't fight so hard to see us quake in the knees without them by our side. They are a posse of supporters who stand beside us in spirit wishing us well. Walk in the doors or through the curtain with them by your side. We each have a story to tell, or a trillion. If you want to share yours, find a friend and listen to their stories. Ask questions that get people talking about things that matter. I've had several informal dinners where my guests tell stories based on the prompt, "Don't believe everything you think" and the results have been pretty entertaining and enlightening. When differing political beliefs arise, notice if you are feeling tense or angry and breathe deep. Then with a gentle tone, ask, "Tell me how you came to this position or idea, I'm interested." What you learn may surprise you.

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Communication is what makes us human: More tips for thinking, writing and speaking in a world of quicksand communications

21. Start with “why?”	In case you haven’t seen Simon Sinek’s TED Talk, it’s time to see it now. Because I said. See how well that works? I’m giggling and hoping to have made my point. Stop and think about "the why" of your writing to not only be more effective in your communication, but to start with what is most valuable. Your reader's attention is real estate that's scarce. How you begin makes all the difference.
22. Use attribution.	Giving credit to your sources is an important step to building credibility with your audience. It's also a good practice to offer thanks to those whose work you are quoting.
23. Nurse! Scalpel!	Editing your words makes them Goldilocks perfect. Hemingway was asked why he edited the ending of A Farewell to Arms 39 times times, "What was it that had stumped you? He responded: Getting the words right."
24. Sentences are like a slinky toy.	Why is a slinky toy irresistible to play with? It changes. It can be stretched or compressed, slung or arched like a caterpillar. Sentences are similar. Long, meandering sentences can take your reader into a maze of emotions that can lead or lose your reader in the stunning array of choices you lay out for them on the smorgasbord of ideas that you lovingly crafted.  And, as you can see, they can lose the reader in the tall grasses. Break long ideas into shorter sentences. Bunch short ideas into longer sentences. Play with them and listen to the music they create as you re-read them.  Readers want music in writing. Think with your ear. Add the element of rhythm, by changing, repeating, building and contrasting those ideas and the words we use.
25. Remixing is human. Believing we are original is indulging in a bit of magical thinking.	A digital world makes the sampling easier, but remixing has been going on for eons. Check out the Kirby Ferguson video series.  These documentaries rocked my world and freed my thinking from the paralyzing fear of failing to be "original" in creative undertakings. Even Newton's quote about standing on the shoulders of giants is from a previous quote.  Really.
26. The world you create in writing is a place your reader enters to walk around and experience. You play the role of "pedacito de Dios" (a bit of God).	For decades and decades, I have remembered the stories in my third-grade reader about children helping during a crisis or emergency in their town. Scenes are intact in my much-laundered, frayed chambray shirt of a brain. Those worlds I traveled to in print stayed with me. I want to build worlds with words for others to enter, experience and at the end, say that they enjoyed and will hopefully also remember.
27. Who, what, where, when, why and how. Without them, words are only words.	A miner has tools, so does a baker or a gardener, an accountant or a seamstress. Writers: meet your tool box!  Keep them sharp and use them daily at the beginning, middle and end, check them on a list that you consult faithfully.
28. Care about your reader. 29. The mainstream is a myth. 30. Make it, shake it, rattle it and roll it.	Why does caring enter into the equation of good writing? While your intention drives you the writer in how you write, the spark that ignites the process is caring. Caring entails believing that sharing matters. That spreading ideas builds our lives and cultures.  Does everyone have this spark? Yes, but some express it in ways other than writing. For example,  dancing, cooking, golfing, stopping to give five dollars to a man holding a can at a stoplight, to name just a few.   29. The invitation was sent to each of us when the Internet upended the world of mass media. Let's toast to that world, because it had many valuable gifts, but its race is run. Daily we build its replacement, each of us, tweet by tweet, blog by blog and posting by posting. With our eyes wide open, writers, filmmakers, artists, activists, makers and do-ers. Now there is space for all voices. We are makers, not shoppers. Find out what makes your brain light up and leap in to learn more, and do more. Even if it's not perfect at the start, enjoy the ride for the joy creativity brings.  In an episode of On Being, the evolutionary biologist Kevin McCarthy tells us we are descended from 50,000 generations since the Pleistocene era. Each, I guarantee, spent more time with their eyes and hands doing and creating than simply shopping or consuming.

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Communication is what makes us human: More tips for thinking, writing and speaking in a world of quicksand communications

12. Observe the flow of traffic in any group communication to identify traffic violators	Notice the ways some people dominate a conversation with their patterns of speech in conversation. How does that make you as a listener feel? Take time to study the ways people use to make their point. Do they weave in and out of traffic honking their horns? Do they argue with logic or by bullying? Do they listen and respond or are they only repeating what they’ve already said? How effective is a bully in the long run? It’s a delicate balance, but worth the time to allow a give and take. It’s important to notice when you are being pushed or patronized, and to respond with respectful correction, and then to move on to make your point.
13. In any conversation, passivity is its own punishment.	Take your turn and risk being wrong or right. Speaking out, asking questions, declaring your observations are all necessary. There really are no dumb questions except those that are not asked.  You may be asking the question that’s on the mind of many. Wallflowers belong on wallpaper. Stand up, speak out, have your say. It’s how we learn. Being passive or saving face by withholding is an invitation to allowing fear rule your actions.
14. Did someone push your last button?	Notice that it’s happened. Take a deep breath. You are no longer in the thick of it, but are now patiently observing. Now, you are able to be the adult. Do some adulting.
15. Recognize the handicaps in a communication medium.	McLuhan called some media hot and others cool. Digital media like texts or emails are cool in that they have superb speed, but lack content that inform us about the mood or tone of the sender. Fight the urge to respond until you get more information. Confirm your ideas about what was sent in another way, such as in a phone call or face to face.
16. Writing is thinking.	Writing may get messy, but no one said ideas came gift-wrapped or tidy. It is important to get out the messy first draft (see Anne Lamott’s more colorful description). Writing and thinking don't have to stay messy when we think of the process as not being perfect “right out of the gate,” but as having prep time and steps, just like high-jumping or cake decorating.
17. Follow the thread.	Hansel and Gretel followed bread crumbs on the forest floor. Here’s something easier. Hand your reader a thread or a piece of twine or rope, if you prefer, to allow them to stick with your flow of ideas and be able to follow you. Keep their hands on the thread by avoiding distractions or aimless jumping from topic to topic. Are they still with you? Check the thread!
18. Invite your favorite reader to be your imaginary editor.	Return to your writing after a few hours have passed and put on another hat. Become your favorite reader. Test out what you’ve written with someone in mind whose opinion you trust. She can be a good friend or perhaps a teacher from your past who helped you. How does your work sound to them? Would they follow what you are saying or would they get lost? We can’t cover ever base at once, but we can keep our favorite reader as a guide to what to add and what to delete.
19. “You’ve got to dance like nobody’s watchin” applies to writing, too.	Yup. You’re out there and anyone can shoot you down. But what are the alternatives? Staying silent? If you have a poem inside you, or a novel or short story, an essay, even a song or editorial, it wants out! Why not try it, and see what happens? Leave the writing to the writers and the judging to the judges. You will get both rejections and acceptance. But before these comes expression, which is its own reward.
20. Listen to the ‘genius in the wall’ and don’t even think about being one.	Elizabeth Gilbert writes in Big Magic about the term “genius in the wall” in ancient Greece. It was a sprite who might or might not emerge from the wall to assist the artist or mathematician in their work. If the resulting product was successful, then the artist or mathematician would share the glory with the genius. Likewise, mistakes were shared with the “genius in the wall” because they had failed to show up. Since the genius in the wall was erratic this allowed for more attempts at creative work without the pressure or stigma of always being right, or “being a genius.” In the Renaissance era the term “being a genius” came to replace the term “genius in the wall.” Gilbert says this stifled creativity since it increased the pressure on mere mortals. By removing the role or assistance of a fickle “genius in the wall” partner, mistakes were no longer expected or acceptable of people who were lucky or unlucky to be deemed as “being a genius.”

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Communication is what makes us human: Tips for thinking, writing and speaking in a world of quicksand conversations

1. Find out how you do your best thinking and when you are able, give yourself the best environment possible.	Do you need music or quiet? Do you need to list questions or look at pro’s and con’s instead? Do you need another person to explore a question with or are you better off alone or working with Google or Wikipedia?
2. Communication is intention.	Know the reason for your communication because your audience will be asking about this first. Whether you speak in person, on the phone, in a text or email, there is an important “channel” that tells your audience as much as your words or voice. We are all tuned in to listen for this channel to determine what your intentions are: To inquire or to demand? To explore or to stake your territory?
3. Words matter. Think before you speak.	Encourage the habit of listening with intention and pausing to let a thought percolate and be understood. Let there be silence and space between exchanges, especially passionate or heated ones.
4. Questions are your friends.	It’s too easy to misinterpret and misunderstand because there are so many emotions and distractions during most conversations. And that’s just on our end! Add to that what is in the minds and experiences of your audience. Ask questions for clarification.
5. At the end of an interview or any weighted conversation, ask “Is there anything you would like to add that we haven’t talked about yet?”	My documentary about San Antonio during WWII began with a quote from an African American D-day veteran who I interviewed for half an hour with almost no usable quotes until I asked this question. It was the best sound-bite of the entire program.
6. In life, as in print or electronic communication, editing is not only allowed, it is encouraged and nearly always improves on the original.	It is very rare that you can never change something that you’ve said or written, even if it is a whopper. You’re allowed to make mistakes as long as you do your best to correct them. You’re not allowed to make mistakes and knowingly ignore them.
7. Talking to babies and children builds their trust in their own curiosity and interest in learning.	Kids don't learn about their world from screens, but from their people. Here’s where it starts for humans. Listening and responding is an equally important form of affection and protection kids require to grow into their own sense of wonder and possibilities.
8. It’s OK to say, “I don’t know” or “I’ll let you know when I find out.”	It is better to admit the truth than to ruin all trust in a communication with a tidal wave of excuses or conjectures that the listener usually perceives as false and distracting.
9.  Public speaking is like practicing hitting a softball.	The more you step up to the mound with a bat in hand, the harder your hands’ callouses become and the better your chances are for hitting the ball. You’ll lose most of the discomfort with time, yet you’ll probably always want some ‘performance anxiety’ to keep your presentations in the moment and interesting.
10. Cultivate your inner voice. 11. Communication provides education. (Wes Anderson)	Keep a journal, write a blog, create a podcast on a passion you have. The more you listen and work with your ideas and words, the easier communication becomes. You learn ways to begin, to end with a tying back to the beginning, to edit, to add interest with questions or quotes, and other “tricks” to help give your voice a platform to be read or heard by others. The more we learn about others, especially those considered to be enemies, the better we can see their points of view or how they were raised. With technology today, we have learned about people from the other side of the world. We learn that people from every country are humans with beliefs taught to them. Governments start wars. People generally want to understand others and change their points of view. We do this through effective communication.

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