Communication is what makes us human: More tips for thinking, writing and speaking in a world of quicksand communications

12. Observe the flow of traffic in any group communication to identify traffic violators	Notice the ways some people dominate a conversation with their patterns of speech in conversation. How does that make you as a listener feel? Take time to study the ways people use to make their point. Do they weave in and out of traffic honking their horns? Do they argue with logic or by bullying? Do they listen and respond or are they only repeating what they’ve already said? How effective is a bully in the long run? It’s a delicate balance, but worth the time to allow a give and take. It’s important to notice when you are being pushed or patronized, and to respond with respectful correction, and then to move on to make your point.
13. In any conversation, passivity is its own punishment.	Take your turn and risk being wrong or right. Speaking out, asking questions, declaring your observations are all necessary. There really are no dumb questions except those that are not asked.  You may be asking the question that’s on the mind of many. Wallflowers belong on wallpaper. Stand up, speak out, have your say. It’s how we learn. Being passive or saving face by withholding is an invitation to allowing fear rule your actions.
14. Did someone push your last button?	Notice that it’s happened. Take a deep breath. You are no longer in the thick of it, but are now patiently observing. Now, you are able to be the adult. Do some adulting.
15. Recognize the handicaps in a communication medium.	McLuhan called some media hot and others cool. Digital media like texts or emails are cool in that they have superb speed, but lack content that inform us about the mood or tone of the sender. Fight the urge to respond until you get more information. Confirm your ideas about what was sent in another way, such as in a phone call or face to face.
16. Writing is thinking.	Writing may get messy, but no one said ideas came gift-wrapped or tidy. It is important to get out the messy first draft (see Anne Lamott’s more colorful description). Writing and thinking don't have to stay messy when we think of the process as not being perfect “right out of the gate,” but as having prep time and steps, just like high-jumping or cake decorating.
17. Follow the thread.	Hansel and Gretel followed bread crumbs on the forest floor. Here’s something easier. Hand your reader a thread or a piece of twine or rope, if you prefer, to allow them to stick with your flow of ideas and be able to follow you. Keep their hands on the thread by avoiding distractions or aimless jumping from topic to topic. Are they still with you? Check the thread!
18. Invite your favorite reader to be your imaginary editor.	Return to your writing after a few hours have passed and put on another hat. Become your favorite reader. Test out what you’ve written with someone in mind whose opinion you trust. She can be a good friend or perhaps a teacher from your past who helped you. How does your work sound to them? Would they follow what you are saying or would they get lost? We can’t cover ever base at once, but we can keep our favorite reader as a guide to what to add and what to delete.
19. “You’ve got to dance like nobody’s watchin” applies to writing, too.	Yup. You’re out there and anyone can shoot you down. But what are the alternatives? Staying silent? If you have a poem inside you, or a novel or short story, an essay, even a song or editorial, it wants out! Why not try it, and see what happens? Leave the writing to the writers and the judging to the judges. You will get both rejections and acceptance. But before these comes expression, which is its own reward.
20. Listen to the ‘genius in the wall’ and don’t even think about being one.	Elizabeth Gilbert writes in Big Magic about the term “genius in the wall” in ancient Greece. It was a sprite who might or might not emerge from the wall to assist the artist or mathematician in their work. If the resulting product was successful, then the artist or mathematician would share the glory with the genius. Likewise, mistakes were shared with the “genius in the wall” because they had failed to show up. Since the genius in the wall was erratic this allowed for more attempts at creative work without the pressure or stigma of always being right, or “being a genius.” In the Renaissance era the term “being a genius” came to replace the term “genius in the wall.” Gilbert says this stifled creativity since it increased the pressure on mere mortals. By removing the role or assistance of a fickle “genius in the wall” partner, mistakes were no longer expected or acceptable of people who were lucky or unlucky to be deemed as “being a genius.”

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