Texans vs. Covid 19

Now that we have been told shelter in place orders are expected in San Antonio, let’s remember this period of semi-enforced isolation has a purpose. It is to flatten a curve that aims to crush us if it’s not flattened. It ‘s time to talk this over Texas style. 

Scientists make statistical predictions using known data. They crunch our US numbers against what is known about Covid 19 and how quickly it spreads. In numbers, the rise and fall of infections is called a curve. The higher the number, the higher the curve. Flatter curves mean fewer people infected. 

I’ve never before seen a statistical tool come to mean so much to my existence, never mind life as I used to know it.

My future and yours depends on this curve getting flat now, not later in order to slow down the killer bug’s contagious disease.

I know what we’re up against in an enforced isolation. We’re up against some deeply ingrained habits because for a great many of us isolation runs counter to our beautiful brassy bodacious big as Texas culture. 

We Tejanos of all stripes and wherever on the planet we hail from—need to —and love to —mingle, shop, work in groups, pray together, drink and eat together, dance, entertain and learn in social settings of all sizes. 

So we’re supposed to scale back socializing to flatten Covid’s curve. That’s a tough order. Socialization for a four-year-old means learning to get along with others, for an elder it may mean a lifeline as important as medicine is to someone sick.

Asking for the voluntary cooperation of Texans to stay home seems unrealistic. Some of us won’t let loose of our guns much less the cowboy bootstrap individualism “don’t tell me what to do” mentality. And this is what flattening our curve against the Corona virus depends on? 

Yeah right. I’ll see flattening of curves when Lukenbach stops selling beer (oh, that’s happening?) When Texas fracking in the Permian Basin hits the pause button (oh, that’s happening ?) When you can’t find a breakfast burrito for sale in San Antonio? (oh, that’s happening?) 

Well, maybe it is possible this flattening will flatten, but I’m not betting on it yet. Everything we’re asked to do to flatten this curve—stay home, homeschool your kids and generally stop running around —runs against the grain of the wood of who we are as Texans.

Texans are not known for following others or following rules. Ask any resident of New Mexico or Colorado what they think of us. 

If this flattening means staying home and we know that isolation is against our nature and our instincts, it helps to keep in mind no one likes it but it may be the only way to save our skins.  All the shapes, shades and sizes of skin we usually show off so well on a spring day like this.

I know! It’s hard! How do we Suddenly become homebodies from being the world’s consummate consumers? Heck, we invented Neiman Marcus.  

We love going to a-go-go. We Texans are on the cutting edge of evolution! We’re the segment of the species pioneering no-legs-needed-as-long-as-I-have-my -pick-up-truck human DNA. 

We don’t even blink at putting on a two-legs-of-lamb-backyard barbecue for half the neighborhood, all the siblings and their kids and dogs too. That’s called a little partysito in South Texas (oh, my brother just phoned to say the carne asada at his house this Sunday’s been called off.  That’s happening too. )

Flattening this scary-ass statistical curve that’s looming like a hurricane over Houston is something we need to do. Flattening it as soon as we can saves lives. The sooner we do the sooner we can return to the wonderfully predictable lives we might’ve kicked around for being boring just a month ago. 

I have tasted interesting times now and I am sending that plate back to the kitchen. Curses to the chef.

Here’s the deal, chamacos. Flattening the curve means a month-long hand of Texas Hold ‘Em.  Keep your cards close to your chest, tuck yourself indoors and wait out the storm. 

If staying solo in stultifying isolation is what we have got to do to slice this bad bug down to size, then let’s get on with it and vamonos muchachos.

Our future shopping, education, entertaining, working, going to church and going to Church’ fried chicken too— Everything and all the Big Tex size habits we hold dear —depend on on all of us putting our backs into it and flattening down this curve now. Con Ganas. Like we mean it. Not later, hard not gentle, big not little— al estilo Texas.